It is with no great delight that we bring you the second instalment of our Wigan Athletic “Emporium of S***e” where we discuss those players who didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory whilst wearing the illustrious blue and white.
The latest episode covered players whose surname begins with B and Jimmy immediately attempted to cheekily throw in Gabor Bukran after mentioning him last month, then jumps straight in with Mario Boselli, who would surely be the first name on everybody’s list?
Yet funnily enough the extortionately priced Argentinian received a swift dismissal from the panel with even Chris managing to text in from the hard shoulder of the M62 to denounce Mauro’s inclusion. As he quite rightly pointed out “no Boselli, no FA Cup” – I doubt the polls would see it the same however.
Dylan ups the ante by throwing the permatanned Wayne Biggins into the mix backing it up with a quote Noggins (it’s great what autocorrect does eh Wayne Noggins?) supposedly made about Springfield Park being like a morgue
Ian suggested the big money buy of Stefan Bidstrup, a big blonde Danish bombshell who resembled and indeed played more like Brigitte Nielsen and followed it up with Jamie Barnwell-Edinboro, a pound stretcher hotshot we got on loan from mighty Cambridge*
*NB in the interests of accuracy I had said on tape that he came from Cambridge. He went to Cambridge after us but actually came on loan from Coventry. Anyway, he was gash.
Alan aka Neill Rimmers Perm continued his penchant for throwing in contrary names by putting Stuart Barlow forward to the sound of sharp intakes of breath around the table. The justification being that he threw a hissy fit over his new contract and kept two of Al’s favourite players out of the team (Liddell & Haworth?) Anyway, you know where to find Alan (@notapatchon) As I recall it he scored 20 goals by Xmas, asked for a pay rise and instead of giving him a modest increase, the club threw half a million quid at Neil Roberts instead, who when it came to the business of scoring goals was absolutely hopeless, like a white Emile Heskey.
We invite Macca aka the Paris Angel to throw in a few of his worst City players and upon mentioning Roque Santa Cruz, it inadvertently adds Marcus Bent into the mix. Scored goals, but bone idle.
There was then mention of a dual Latics / City representative in the perma tanned slug paced Ged Brannan into the mix. There must be something about artificial UV rays that turns footballers into feckless wasters.
Finally, Ian throws Dutch import Rachid Bouououououazan into the mix, who didn’t even manage to repeat his infamous tackle when wearing the blue and white.
The polls were a bit more predictable and set in two heats. Heat 1 was a breeze for Mauro Boselli with only Leon Barnett and the shortlived Pasquale Bruno providing any sort of competition.
In Heat 2, Biggins, Brannan and Bukran all featured but Rachid Bououououououououououououazan collected votes like he collects vowels for his name and stormed through.
The final was a lot closer than the heats but the price tag of Mauro Boselli edged Rachid I’m-not-inflicting-that-surname-on-you-again into 2nd place to steal the show.
You can listen to the Pie At Night crew discussing their worst ever Latics players on the Pie at Night podcast here: