But to be fair we didn’t specify which Caldwell.
Yes it’s the Wigan Athletic Emporium of S**te time again with the letter C up next, and Chris wastes no time throwing in our current manager for that penalty miss and the one he gave away in the play offs at Loftus Road. Not to mention suicidal passes against Swansea in a game which more or less relegated us – although in true Room 101 style it is pointed out that he did turn Andy Carroll to slot home in front of the Kop in a famous victory at Anfield.
Unfortunately, with it being C, the C bomb is then dropped with mention of Pascal Chimbonda (sorry kids!) however this extreme cursing merely extends us into what quickly turns into a key ethical debate. What is the emporium of s**te? Is it merely players who were utterly cack or can we include players who were quite talented but their attitude stunk the place out. If we’re using Lee Ashcroft as an earlier template it would seem possible that Chimbonda could indeed be considered to be A sh*te, even if he wasn’t actually that sh*te
Leon Clarke receives a nomination mainly for his ability to score against us every time he played yet was woeful for us and of course it’s only a matter of time before Don Cowie gets thrown into the mixer.
Again, this throws up a brief existential debate: if we acknowledge the presence of Don Cowie then by default, we must be acknowledging that we noticed him while he was here? Perhaps it would be more logical for Don Cowie to remain invisible from our selection process given his penchant for complete anonymity whilst wearing the famous blue and white?
Token mentions are put forward for Jonathan Crompton (son of Dave), Stephen Caldwell and terrible winger Jimmy Carberry, a poor man’s Bryan Griffiths who in contrast to Pascal above was a truly awful footballer who quickly disappeared without trace after we let him go.
Michael Clegg with his signature embroidered boots (allegedly) was a classic example of the old adage “the only way is down when you leave Man United” and the same could be said of another Mancunian Billy Big Balls in the pocket sized form of Terry Cooke.
We thankfully spared our twitter mate and ex Latics youngster John Coyne in what would have essentially have been a free shot at winding him up.
And we finish with the curious case of Albert Crusat, a nippy Spanish winger who arguably didn’t get a chance, so blink and you would have missed him. Easily done given the fact he was barely five feet tall.
Ultimately selecting our four finalists became a simple decision as to how many times we could justify including Don Cowie and as you’ll see below it was closer than we expected but finally Don Cowie has won something in his Wigan Athletic career…..Don, you will be remembered….for being sod all and being sh**e
You can listen to the full discussion on The Pie At Night podcast Episode 5 right here: https://soundcloud.com/thepieatnight/episode-5-life-of-brian