If you didn’t sleep straight through the last 24 hours, you’ll already be well aware that there were a number of new faces parachuted into the DW Stadium yesterday, all joining up with Warren Joyce’s bunch of merry men…
For many of you, there will have been plenty of scratching of heads and mumbling “…never bloody heard of him” and then typing their names into Google.
The Pie At Night decided to do a little bit of investigative journalism ourselves, to see what we could find out about these lucky lads plucked from relative obscurity and thrust into the spotlight which shines on the absolutely massive, Wigan Athletic.
‘James Weir’
‘James Weir’ or Jeff Parish if we are to use his real name is one half of the famous SoulTwins. When he’s not playing football or watching Man United, Jeff (along with his brother Stu) can be found ‘spinning records’ at Bluu in Manchester’s Northern Quarter. In an unprecented move as part of his signing on bonus, Jeff was given exclusive access to the Wigan Athletic Past Players’ Replica Wig Archive. After deliberating for a while over taking the ‘Gaetan Bong’, he eventually opted for the ‘Stuart Barlow’.
Josh Laurent
Josh Laurent is the grandson of famous French designer Henri Donat Mathieu-Saint-Laurent, founder of fashion house Yves Saint Laurent. After struggling to make the grade at both QPR and Brentford, Josh ended up at Hartlepool United. Finding it hard to make ends meet on a minimum wage/zero hours contract, he mithered his grandad who then used his contacts to get Josh some part time modelling work for the Next Directory. Whether he decides to keep that sideline going following signing a lucrative 2-and-a-half-year deal with the Latics remains to be seen.
Jack Byrne
Jack Byrne joins Latics from the City of Manchester academy, where he was studying Performing Arts and trying to make it big in the music business. (As a member of Westlike, a tribute to Irish boyband Westlife.) Spotted by former Chief Scout, Malcolm Crosby, at the annual Soccer Sixes tournament, Byrne will now fight it out with the other 400 midfielders we have for just one of 4 first team places.
(Rumours that Mr. Crosby was only at the tournament because his daughter has a chronic obsession with Robbie Williams’ professional “friend” Jonathan Wilkes, and was there hoping to get Wilkes’ autograph on her left tit have been strenuously denied.)
Keep your eyes out for part two in the series tomorrow, where we find out about some more of your new Latics heroes*
*dickheads from Grimsby.
For more interesting insight** about all things Latics, why not give our podcast a listen..
**total bollocks
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