1. Buy 94 pies from the Pound Bakery
2. Or 34 Galloways meat and tater if you’re a fussy bugger
3. Drive too fast, get done and use the £47 to pay off your fine. Or get your wife to if you’re a Lib Dem MP
4. Get 282 Wagon Wheels (6 for a £1) from Farmfoods)
5. Go to the rugby (£20) and have 8.43 pints once in
6. Or get one of the many free tickets and have 13.68 pints and a pie
7. Jump the train to Euston and use the bog at Euston station 156 times
8. Buy a tyre for a Ford Fiesta
9. Give £47 to charity and get FREE ENTRY to the Homes of football in Manchester to re-ignite your love with the beautiful game
10. Go to the Brick on Woodhouse Lane and get 26 pints by changing the pegs on Eddie’s price board to say £1.80 instead of £2.80 when he’s not looking
11. Buy 162 tins of Asda Tomato puree, smear them all over yourself and run around your estate encouraging local dogs to chase you in a mini “Running of the bulls” festival
12. Send and post 78 angry letters to your local councillor for not getting your bin emptied on time
13. Have Theo Walcott run around in your back yard for just over 3 minutes
14. Come to my workplace vending machine and buy 77 packets of bacon Wheat Crunchies
15. Buy some drugs, I’ve no idea what they cost these days but you should be able to make them last longer than ninety minutes (DISCLAIMER: Kids just say no. Adults too for that matter)
16. Get a one way flight to the Isle of Man on Easyjet and admire the tail-less felines
17. Put it all on Latics to beat Chelsea and turn it into £305 in the unlikely event of us getting three points
18. Or don’t be a lunatic and instead back Chelsea and win an additional £15.67
19. Go back and forth through the M6 toll road eight times – 15 times if on a bike
20. Buy the Wigan Observer for a year and count the Bradley Wiggins mentions
21. Join Whelan’s gym at Wrightington for a couple of months and enjoy the banter in the saunas with the geriatric rugby men
22. Buy 25 bottles of Pulse Cider and spend a week living in a bus shelter abusing passers by
23. Go to the Brocket and have a Wetherspoons beer and a burger for a week
24. Buy a bike and join the army of fatties attempting to waddle their way up Parbold Hill in disturbing lycra
25. Go to your local newsagent and buy 470 10p mixes and hang around your local school distributing them to local children
26. Buy two hours football coaching and learn to pass sideways the Bobby way
27. Go down the bookies and do three Lucky Fifteens and hope your horse doesn’t end up in a burger
28. Buy some posh socks and join a the British Sock Fetish Council
29. Spend Saturday afternoon trying to balance 47 pound coins on top of one another and save your money for next Sunday instead
30. Buy 23 large Toblerones and drive to Dundee whilst gorging on them Partridge style
31. Park your car at Manchester airport for two days and then spend another two days trying to find it when you pick it up
32. Go to one of Wigan’s many pound shops and purchase 47 random items of your choice
33. Buy 5 Wayfarer all day travel passes and spend the week travelling the trains and buses of our region and tweeting about the many odd sights that you see
34. Go to Taybarns and have an all you can eat buffet every day of the week and still have £6.70 left to spend on ale
35. Change your name to “Frank Lampard” by deed poll. Then pay another £15 and change it to “Heston Blumenthal” and then change it back to your own name when the merciless mickey taking gets too much
36. Buy 92 bog rolls, dress yourself up as a mummy and head down to the local museum to scare school children
37. Put it in an ISA and earn 13p interest on it (per annum)
38. Buy 47 lottery tickets
39. Play 54 holes of golf at Haigh Hall and buy a couple of ice creams from Mr Whippy when you’re done
40. Donate £47 to This Northern Soul to continue to keep this site free of Mature Dating site ads even though looking at some of them they could do with a bit of action (NO NAMES, NO PACK DRILL ETC…)
41. Purchase a cheap Bontempi organ from Howarths’ music and a cap and spend Saturday busking in the market square
42. Buy 23 copies of the Mudhutter fanzine and spend the remaining quid on petrol to distribute it around the borough
43. Re-live your youth and buy a Premier League sticker album and 92 pack of stickers
44. Annoy McDonalds staff by going through the drive thru fifteen times ordering one Sausage and Egg McMuffin meal each time
45. Buy a couple of Weir hats from Casual Culture and take photos of yourself and put them on the internet
46. Buy FOUR THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED COPIES of Gillian Taylforth’s autobiography: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kathy-Me-Gillian-Taylforth/dp/0747526451
47. Or you could spend it to buy a ticket to watch Wigan Athletic at Stamford Bridge this Saturday.
I won’t be. If you are good luck to you, I hope it’s worth every penny…..
#againstmodernfootball
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