22 men, running around, getting dirty and sweaty, coming into close physical contact, if they’re lucky hugging and kissing before disappearing for a bath/shower together.  No it’s not Aunty Gok’s ideal night out, it’s just your average 90 minutes of football.  It’s a good way to spread bumps, bruises and verrucas and anywhere where people gather you can bet that infectious diseases will follow.

But, it wasn’t the close proximity to other people with H1NC virus that led to Blackburn and Bolton’s players being struck down like pigs, it was all that nasty spitting that those nasty horrible footballers do.  It’s just not befitting a role model you know, children look up to them you know.  They should obviously stop it forthwith.

Now I’m not a fan of spitting per se.  In fact I agree that spitting on the street is pretty damn disgusting, and spitting at people is one the worst things that you can do.  But I’ve also done exercise and I know that sometimes you just have to clear the pipes.  It strikes me that the objections sound a little more aesthetic than they do medical.

I remember the 80s and the perhaps much more understandable hysteria around how AIDS and HIV might affect the game.  But the circumstances were very different and the consequences seemed much more severe. 

Whilst Sam Allardyce is running around claiming we’re all doomed it takes the manager of the League’s show ponies to point out that we’re talking about young, fit men who should be able to shake off a dose of even the toughest virus in a couple of days and an Italian to remind us that a bottle of wine and a couple of paracetamol can help things on their way.

And failing that, just pay them less, it’s probably being passed round on all the £50 notes.

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