Thou Shalt…

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Thanks to Dan le Sac VS Scroobius Pip for the inspiration

Thou shalt not boo if there is a direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship big boots or follow long balls.
Thou shalt not take the names of Gary Powell, Simon Haworth, Andy Saville, Neill Roberts, Marc Hilditch, Drew Broughton or Pat Gavin in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 12 that plays football on the floor is an idiot. Some people are just pure.
Thou shalt not read WEP.
Thou shalt not stop liking a team just because they’re less popular.
Thou shalt not question Graeme Jones.
Thou shalt not judge a book by its cover.
Thou shalt not judge a long range pass by Titus Bramble.
Thou shalt not buy Sports Direct products.
Thou shalt not buy JD-Sports products.
Thou shalt not go up to Tyneside with your old team’s ex-manager, take a wedge and get injured.
Thou shalt not panic so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Go to the game instead.
Thou shalt not watch Rugby League.
Thou shalt not attend the DW and boo as soon as you’ve seen the line up or substitute’s bench or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not harp on about how we should play 3-4-3 just because you once won the champions league with Doncaster on footy manager with it.

Thou shalt not put other teams and their players on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great you think they are
That Gomes: Just a keeper.
Carluka: Just a man.
That Bassong: Just a man.
Gareth Bale: Just a man.
Michael Dawson: Just a man.
King: Just a man.
David Bentley: Just a man.
Huddlestone: He’s just a man.
That Jenas: Just a man.
Palacios: Just a man.
Aaron Lennon: Just a man.
Defoe: Just a man.
Gudjohnsen: Just a man.
Kranjcar: Just a man.
That Peter Crouch: Just a man.
Harry Redknapp… JUST A MAN.

Thou shalt give equal worth to football that is played outside of the Premier League as to football that is played in the Premier League.
Thou shalt remember that Gray, Tyler and Keyesy were never as good as Saint and Greavsie and never will be.
Thou shalt not moan about the same thing over again, moan about the same thing over again, moan about the same thing over again, moan about the same thing over again,
Thou shalt not boo Jason Scotland.
Thou shalt not scream like you wanna go home.
Thou shalt not moan about the formation or tactics.
Thou shalt not make some noise for the West Stand.
When I say “Come on” thou shalt not say “Boo”.
When I say “Get in” thou shalt not say “Crap”.
When I say, he say, she say, we say, moan like hell – kill me.

Ah, I forgot where I was, hang on

Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish our manager was a freak like Megson.
Thou shalt remember that there was life before the Premier League and a team before Whelan regardless of what Match of the Day tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Gomez missed his pass to put Hugo through on goal by saying “Gerr off”.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

And thou shalt always…
Thou shalt always drink!


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