This is an illness known as Assocation Football Stress Disorder with many symptoms such as loose bowels,gastric problems, migraines and tension headaches with Tourette like symptoms often all on Saturday afternoons.
Psychological symptoms include poor sleep patterns with the sufferer lying await at night pondering number sequences such as 451 and 442. and a single minded obsession with posting on football websites and playing football simulation games.
This illness has pandemic pockets the most common areas at present are in East Lancashire, parts of Merseyside and most worryingly here in Wigan.
There are several postulated cures but the majority have some worrying side effects.
The first is known as the Man Utd treatment, on starting the treatment many followers experience wild euphoria but a serious side effect is an uncontrollable green and yellow rash which erupts at the mention of the word Glazier.
The second treatment is known as the Arsenal treatment but this seriously affects the eyesight with those undergoing the treatment developing an inability to see any incident which may be detrimental to their team.
The third is known as the Chelsea treatment but advocates of this treatment caution that it causes a unique phobia which renders the individual unable to move away from a small area of SW6.
The fourth and most worrying is known as the Man City treatment which causes the
individual to become exceedingly delusional believing that City stands for Conference In Three Years.
There is one known fool proof treatment known as the “rugby treatment”, in this the individual must swear off any contact with association football and start watching rugby. Despite a hundred percent success rate according to noted rugby psychologist and ferret fancier Professor C.H’Ubby very few football fans take up this therapy based on the grounds that rugby is boring.
So if you have the symptoms, then you can contact your local support group here at T.N.S.
This is a light hearted blog and A.F.S.D. doesn’t actually exist…..or does it ?
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