Totally unconfirmed and unsubstantiated rumours abound that the Premier League is contemplating introducing handicapping to secure the Premier League as the foremost football competition in Europe.

The concern appears to surround the balance in games between the big top six clubs and the rest.

The aim is contrary to expectation not to level the playing field as handicapping works in horse racing where the top horses are given a weight penalty. The totally confirmed and unsubstantiated rumours aim to ensure that the top six clubs maintain their monopoly as being the crème de la crème and ensure that the lesser lights continue their time honoured tradition of losing to these clubs.

Last season and this has brought matters to a head where lesser lights in the Premier League have actually started to believe that they can win against the bigger clubs and on occasion have done so.

The totally unconfirmed and unsubstantiated rumours suggest that several options have been explored such as giving the top six clubs a goal start and making players of lesser clubs wear a weight belt designed to slow them down.

These have been discounted as too obvious and a more subtle plan has been devised whereby referees will dismiss players from lesser clubs for trivial offences such as wearing an offensive smile or waving to their mum in the crowd,  if their team looks like making a game of it.

Totally unconfirmed and unsubstantiated rumours suggest that this plan was trialled at the weekend in a couple of Premier League games with varying degrees of success.

The above is of course totally fabrication and would never happen…..or would it?

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