So we usually do these things by flicking through our little black books for an opposition fan that we’ve know, either through the fanzine, the website or through messing about on Twitter rather than doing any proper writing. Occasionally the page for a club is blank. Like when we didn’t have a ‘sixy talk’ for QPR a few weeks back.
Determined to stop that happening I threw a speculative plea out on twitter this morning. If I didn’t know someone then maybe someone I knew, knew someone. Maybe Fulham fan and top rap star (?) Example would still be desperate to prove that he didn’t think that Wigan was an absolute hole and would volunteer. Well, all that “friend of the town” stuff was clearly just a ploy as he didn’t get back to us, but ready to save the day for both celebrity-dom and Fulham in general was Richard Osman.
Richard is brother of Suede bassist Mat Osman and the world’s foremost expert on the Central African Republic. He’s also a TV producer and Director, including being the Creative Director for the
global domination conspiracy sorry, TV Company Endemol UK. Most importantly, for those of us like me that never really got over being students, he’s the co-host on, BBC tea-time quiz, Pointless.
Oh, he’s also a season ticket holder at Fulham
Obviously we didn’t expect Richard to be paying a visit to TNS towers, so a quick tidy up and a redraft of the questions so that they grilled him to check his credentials and examined the life of a celebrity fan was probably in order. But we did neither, we had a brew instead and asked him the same
pointless… erm… stupid questions as we would ask anyone else.
So with ne’er a do (well, after I’ve instructed my lawyers to prepare to be sued by Alexander Armstrong) hand you over to my pointless friend, Richard…
Wigan Athletic, what do you really think of us?
Everyone loves Wigan don’t they? Like everyone loves Pandas. They’re quite cute, usually unthreatening, and always on the brink of extinction.
I think everyone loves Martinez, and Dave Whelan seems, from the outside, to be a proper old-school chairman.
I particularly love the fact that we can beat you away, and yet you can still beat Man U when you put your mind to it. And I love it when you stay up year after year while bigger clubs get relegated all around you.
I honestly thought Fulham were doing alright this season, but I keep hearing about your poor form. How would you describe your current position? What kind of side will we be meeting tomorrow?
You know when you’ve had the Norovirus for 24 hours and you start thinking you MIGHT be getting over it, but you’re not absolutely certain? That’s where Fulham are at the moment. We had a terrible run, but now Berba and Ruiz are back in tandem that could be bad news for Wigan. But we’re still lacking in central midfield and at least you’re playing us before we bring someone in, in the transfer window. So have we got over the Norovirus, or is there more puking to come?
Back when we were young nouveau riche upstarts, you had a proper minted owner who wasn’t afraid to get his wallet out. These days you look like the poorer (or at least more prudent) relations in West London. I suppose you’ve always had some rivalry with Chelsea and QPR, but how do you view your spendthrift cousins these days?
We’re quite proud of being a well-run club that makes intelligent decisions on and off the field. That’s why we loved Roy Hodgson so much, and Jol is another smart, no-nonsense character. Chelsea and QPR are a bit like soap operas at the moment (Chelsea being Dallas and QPR being Eldorado) and it’s nice to stay out of that fray.
Obviously, we’ve both got chairmen with big personalities who’ve spent a lot of cash on getting the clubs where they are, but does that give them free reign to do what they want? What do Fulham fans think about that statue? I heard Jacko was West Ham when he was younger.
I personally love the Jacko statue. If any Wigan fans haven’t seen it you have to check it out. It is SPECTACULARLY tasteless and out of place, but that makes me cherish it. We’re an unconventional club, and it seems fitting we’d have a deeply unconventional statue.
Chairman Mo has been such a positive force for FFC he should be allowed to stamp his personality on the place
How do you see tomorrow’s game panning out?
We very, very, very much need a win. But so do you, so it should be a cracker. There will be goals
I’ve not been to Fulham for a good while, so I won’t pass comment on your pies, tell us what they’re like, do you partake and, if you do, what’s your favourite flavour and how do you go about eating it?
Fulham are from the South so our opinion of pies is meaningless. Like asking an Eskimo what he thinks of sand. But I will say that the Organic Goose & Walnut Truffle Terrine at the River Cafe is terrific.
It will genuinely be a pleasure to welcome Wigan down to Craven Cottage; your fans are always lovely. I hope it’s a great game. And despite losing, say, 3-1, I hope you have a great time.
I feel like I should wish you good luck for tomorrow, but, you know…
I would say the same, but you’ve got Berbatov so you don’t need luck.
I’m sure you’d all like to thank Richard for taking time to chat with us. He didn’t have anything to plug, but I’m sure you can find something to watch, read or buy, if you use Google (other search engines are available).
The eagle eyed amongst you will have noted that this Sixy Talk doesn’t have Sixy Talk in the title, that’s because we also found a Fulham fan that doesn’t co-host a television show to answer our questions as well, you can read that by clicking here:
SUBSCRIBE TO THE PIE AT NIGHT PODCAST
We promise you that it’s easier to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t have to rely on us to remind you when a new episode comes out.
Apple sorts can find it on iTunes here – https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-pie-at-night-podcast/id1097853442?mt=2
If you prefer a different podcast app then just search for “The Pie at Night Podcast”.
You can also find us on Stitcher, here – http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-pie-at-night-pocast/the-pie-at-night-podcast
If you’re that way out, you can find and subscribe to our RSS feed here – http://feeds.feedburner.com/thepieatnight
And if you just want to take pot luck then you can find all our episodes on our Soundcloud page