You’ve been framed

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Now I don’t usually get dragged into the pictures / videos  / soundclips that do the email and message board rounds. They’re usually either fakes, not that funny or maybe I just can’t be bothered. Over the past few weeks though, I’ve been intrigued by a few that let us into the ‘personal lives’ of the odd footballer or two. Firstly I was passed (what is the verb for exchanging things by Bluetooth?) a clip of the infamous Gary Teale does Joy Division moment from last season’s promotion celebrations. It’s coming to something when a lad that has spent the past nine months being hammered from pillar to post, by a large chunk of fans, can’t pay a visit to the gentleman’s room without a mob of pissed up lads giving him hassle. At least he seemed to be enjoying himself.

Next up on the list was a slide show, from some interior designer or other, taking the viewer on a tour on Steven Gerrard’s swimming pool come trophy room resplendent with a portrait of the man himself in ‘crouch over football’ pose (I wonder if his sponsors would be interested in his choice of footwear?). A real Hello moment, but you’ve got to question the motives of anyone who has double glass door installed in their house full stop, let alone ones that have a picture of them and their mates celebrating some recent but memorable moment. Can you not buy photo albums anymore? Contrast this with Matt Jackson, who recently admitted that he wasn’t sure where his FA cup medal was stored. Different egos or different other halves?

Finally yesterday when posts on the Cockney Latic message board pointed people first to a conversation, purportedly, between a certain Premier League Captain/Role Model/Shop Steward and one of a group of schoolboys who had come into possession of his mobile phone number and then to another Latics video clip.

There’ll be a few little Johnny’s having the number on their shirts changed off the back of this, but think about it, how many wrong numbers from giggling school boys would you take before you got abusive? You’ve got to feel sorry for the lad in the call though. His plan was impeccable, “my mates have been hassling him all day, I’ll ring up and apologise and he’ll be my best friend forever”. Only to get a volleying that even the 6th former he fags for wouldn’t dish out. What I want to know is how is he so sure that Tony Adams wouldn’t have his phone number?

The last clip, as funny as it is, causes a little concern. We all know that the lads have a great team spirit and I hope that none of us would bet against Mr. Bullard being the type of lad that would enjoy playing bumper cars in a laundry cart dressed only in a jock strap (as a hat), but who’s the player that let this get out? I can’t see Jewell being to happy about that, he strikes me as someone who likes to keep it behind closed doors and the prospect of this turning up on Soccer AM is bound to piss him off a little. How much? I guess we’ll never know.

I guess the real issue here is how much closer technology has brought us to our ‘heroes’. In some ways that’s definitely a good thing, but some things are better off left to rumour and conjecture, like Ryan Giggs waterbed/fish tank, the results of John Barnes recreational activities or the mental image of Tealey being caught humming to himself. Football was a better place when we were allowed to mythologise these things rather than have them laid bare before us. Anyway enough of my whinging, who’s got that video of a Latics player urinating over himself?

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